


Queen of Pawns

by cybergender



Category: The Queen's Gambit (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-14 22:33:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29426055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cybergender/pseuds/cybergender
Summary: Beth Harmon, now self-proclaimed chess champion, has always lived up to her own values and reckless behavior. After conquering her place in a man's field by defeating Borgov in a nerve-wracking match, she decides that Russia is her comfort place. She left behind her friends and mostly Benny whom she certainly has unsolved feelings with. Now she faces a new challenge as she achieves more greatness: she feels lonely and ready to open up but emotions can be confusing sometimes.
Relationships: Beth Harmon/Benny Watts
Kudos: 24





	1. Chapter 1

_ To Beth Harmon, _

_ As per usual, you don’t seem to like answering your phone. Hell, I tried to contact you dozens of times but all I heard was the insistent ringing! I wanted to see you again, ask you how things are going in Russia. After reading in the newspapers for a solid week that you ditched a meeting with the president, I was sure you’d never be back here. That was genius Harmon! It has been months since you left and we all miss you. Write me back as soon as possible _

_ Love, _

_ Jolene. _

Jolene had always found her way to me. After all, we were family and no matter where you are, they will always be around you. I miss her and my friends, Benny especially. 

I find myself hesitant and distant from the world these days. I have played chess at the park every single day and I come back home to play more by myself whilst trying to annotate my opponents principiant mistakes. Except for playing at the park with the elders, I haven’t done much ever since I defeated Russia’s pride, Borgov. I have received congratulations notes and calls, gotten interview requests for the local newspapers. Even some comrades wanted a word with me and I enthusiastically gave my very best to be helpful. My head spins with too much social interaction at a time. My brain freezes, it’s hard to put that on the table. My thoughts are always somewhere else, far from the real world. 

Time after time, I keep remembering my path and what took me to get where I am standing now. To be world’s champion, to be a young woman in a man's world. Most importantly, to be the Beth Harmon that everyone looks at with great admiration. Endless and sleepless nights looking at the clock, wondering what could be different if I lost, if I eventually had another life. Hadn’t I crossed paths with Mr. Scheibel would I even have a chance of survival in a world where exploitation and desire to climb up the social status seem to be the only thing that holds the attention of society? That question haunts me like a ghost. I am scared shitless of the answer. To think of Mr. Scheibel is to think about a photograph; you feel nostalgic, replay the moment for a few seconds in your mind and when you least expect it, the sensation is gone. Feelings are so complicated to interpret, I never know how to name them. 

However, what I do know is that I must write back to Jolene as soon as possible. I must hurry and write to my friends as well. Get them to know I’m doing fine, with no thoughts of coming back to America as Jolene predicted. I must write to Benny and tell him I miss him. I must let him know that although our roads have taken different directions, he will always be my comforting one. I will tell him that and make sure he knows he deserves to be loved again, if I could ever call love to whatever I gave him. 

I most certainly remember the warm nights with him, all of those left behind in my memory as a sign that all of those moments were once real. I do remember the warmth of his touch, his palms gently tracing my face before falling asleep. I recall all of his words of amenity even when the alcohol would be poisoning my blood. But all of that is in the past and I need to let him go and be happy with someone else. There’s nothing I can do because I can’t seem to acknowledge how relationships work. Before I crush his heart into ground dust even more with hopeless and empty promises I have no choice but to be sincere and nip the evil in the bud right away.

So, once and for all, I take a forgotten piece of paper under the bed and the pen and decide to open my heart to Benny. I hope that this letter will reach him soon and that he will read it seriously and not even think of running after an explanation because I don't have one. He is the most wonderful man I have ever met and he deserves a happy ending, wherever and with whomever that may be.

I scratched the poor sheet of paper over and over again at the loose thoughts and unfinished sentences, not sure how to address Benny. Everything in my head sounded better. A conversation would be the fairest solution, something face-to-face and sincere where I could discharge all the negative energy hanging over me. This seems like a distant dream because I won't be going back to my country anytime soon. Nothing holds me there and I am not willing to face a lifestyle that I don't fit in with. Of course the nights in Vegas will always be the best, but what good is it for me to be there if my body dances in the middle of the sweaty crowd but my mind squints at the bar? I can't allow myself to get into that spiral again. I owe it to myself and to everyone who believed in me. I don't want to disappoint those who love me the most, or those who I think love me. I need to do this no matter what. I must confess that I feel my eyes watering, tears threatening to stream down my pale, dry face. For long minutes I stare at the ceiling, roll over on the bed, sit on the floor as a sequence of mental stimulation that allows me to unlock my fingers and start writing. 

The clock strikes almost one in the morning. I feel helpless, out of breath. After contemplating all this, I then decide to write a quick note to Jolene, telling her about the old men in the park. She would surely call me a grandmother for spending so much time around old people. 

The next day I wake up with a string of drool clinging to my pillow. A little less disgusting human, eh Beth? Sometimes international chess champions can get sloppy too. I roll for almost an hour in the warm blankets and when I finally decide to start the day, the wall clock is already past eleven in the morning. Besides all the chores that await me, I urgently need to get a house. Not that the hotel where I am is not good, on the contrary, it is luxurious within my means. It is comfortable, it is warm and surprisingly well decorated with blue and gold curtains, a floral sofa, little tables in pure wood and a big bed in the center that makes me feel like a princess in a canopy.

I've decided that I can't put this off any longer. If I intend to live here I can't just stay in a hotel forever. Money is a lot but it flies away easily. The food in the hotel is very good, but I need to learn to cook other dishes. Who knows, maybe while I'm here I'll learn to do some Russian cooking. The cuisine here is sensational, I wish everyone was here to taste these wonders. And who knows, maybe in the next championship, if I have a home of my own, I can give my friends a taste of my crude attempts at making a dessert or a good old pot soup. This reminds me that I haven't written anything for Benny yet.

I slowly decide to take off my underwear and take a sip of water. My throat is dry and swollen, maybe I'm not used to the weather here yet. A steamy bath awaits me and as I cool off on a bed of smelling foam, a vinyl in the gutter plays soft, comforting music. I could sleep again right here, were it not for the cigarette in my hand. I bring the cigarette close to my face watching the smoke fade before me. I find these little phenomena of nature interesting, they make me inquisitive. And so, until the hotel maid rings at my door to let me know that lunch will be served soon, I let myself go into the most diverse reveries.

When I come back full from lunch, the sun that escapes through the curtain disturbs my eyes but gives me enough confidence to jump out of bed and write a long, heartfelt letter. I grab the pen before this courage fades and I brutally shift all the junk off the desk making a few chess pieces fall to the shiny wooden floor. I don't worry about such a disaster, tidying up has never been my thing. I take a deep breath about ten times or more. It's now or never. Until one day, Benny, be happy and look after yourself. I will do the same.


	2. Chapter 2

_ 12 days later … _

I got dressed in my best clothes and looked in the mirror. I looked chic but casual, hot I would say. Really, I should use this to my advantage. My figure has changed a lot since I came here. My eating has improved and I have started to have routines. Maybe I have found an outlet here, where I can feel like myself, where I can have a new and healthy life. Here I can start again from anew.

After a filling breakfast, I decided to go out. This time I wasn't going to play chess, I was going to walk around the neighborhood and look for a house. I hurried out of the hotel, my low heels pounding on the sidewalk like a drum producing irritating sounds that would soon give me a migraine. 

The city air refreshes my face and makes me more awake. Taking a walk around the hotel always does me good to clear my mind. I look around, see the sky covered with clouds and predict that it is going to rain tonight for the looks of it. I don't really get the newspapers in my room since the hotel doesn't provide that service, not even to me. In the meantime, I have to resign myself to my intuitive powers. It's kind of funny to have a competition with the universe. I feel like a real child, I feel like I can enjoy innocence again, I can dream like I never had the chance to before. Were it not for the childhood drama that consumes me inside, every little nook and cranny of my mind, I could certainly lead a lighter life. And yet, if I hadn't ended up in that damned orphanage and hadn't looked at chess differently, I'd be a tramp out there by now, a rich housewife with a maid right behind my back extorting some old man about to kick the bucket. I don't want that for myself, I want to be free, to fly solo and be valued for my name without needing a man's last name to secure me. I want to be Beth Harmon. Only Harmon. While practically parading through the streets of Moscow, a voice in the distance calls out to me.

"Miss Harmon! Miss Harmon'' - a tired voice, full of years of life is getting close. Gasping footsteps that I feel behind me make me turn and realize the source of the raspy, old sound, and the throat worn down with alcohol. It is none other than Viktor, one of the gentlemen with whom I play in the park regularly. I won't lie, he is one of my best students and competitors. Despite his advanced age, particularly slow movements, and a little too much chatter in his games, he is one of the people I am most excited about here. He always cracks jokes in the middle of the games at inappropriate times. This dry, bearded old man would surely laugh at a funeral. I won't pretend, I like him a lot.

"Vitkor! How nice to see you! I'm sorry I didn't show up today but I'm kind of busy with my personal life. You know how it is..." - I lower my gaze as a sign of respect. He doesn't seem upset that I left him in the park playing alone with others.

"Don't worry, miss! I know other things occupy your young mind; after all, you are an influential young woman for what it seems now, it would be your priority to appear in an interview and in an official chess game rather than spending time with a boring old man like me. Don't fret, my comrades have occupied my morning well." - he lets out a hoarse laugh. I guess he smokes too, given his perfume mixed with the mesmerizing smell of nicotine. My voice will sound like that one day too. I mentally laugh at the thought of having a dull voice.

I feel a little embarrassed at the way he addresses me. Being famous has not changed my being at all. Maybe I feel more pressured not to make mistakes, but I never wanted to be that way, it wouldn't be the first time now that I am afraid of commiting faults due to the circumstances. The Beth that you see in magazines and newspapers is genuine, maybe a little painted but I guess a little glamour can only do good to ceveryone. I never stopped doing what I believe in. Money has only brought me comfort because I still feel fragile and unprotected from the world sometimes. Before I allow myself to wander through my thoughts philosophically, I decide to give my best smile and direct my attention to Viktor who looks at me expectantly.

"I apologize to you once again. I'm looking for a house and it hasn't been easy"- I confess. I have not been able to find anything and it has made me sad. Back in America, any little scoop would do for me. After all, I am only one and I don't need much. But at this point, neither much nor little, there is absolutely nothing here in the vicinity. I would be heartbroken if I had to find a place away from my beloved park.

For a moment, he looks thoughtful and I look around uneasily, not knowing what to say at this point. Should I say goodbye? Should I continue this casual conversation with no concrete direction? Social rules are fucking confusing, whoever invented them deserves a good old-fashioned beating. My hands open and close insistently inside the pockets of my jacket, I don't know what to do with them. In a foolish attempt to warm them up, I try to rub them against the fleece, but nothing works. After what seems like a lifetime, Viktor finally has an epiphany.

"Did you say a house? I think I have the perfect solution for you" - he smiles fondly. - “My niece is studying law and she probably needs a housemate. You see, she is young, but she has always been very dependent on her parents. Too much pampering, you know. She came to the city from a rural area and doesn't feel safe and comfortable here alone. I visit her whenever I can but we are practically strangers and I can see in her eyes that I am not the right companion for a girl of her age. But you, you are young, fun and I am sure you will get along very well, what do you say? I just need to make arrangements with her and everything will work out fine”.

My heart almost leaps out of my mouth. The perfect opportunity has now fallen at my feet and I still can't believe it. I have to control myself not to hug Viktor and I almost trip over my own words as I nod incessantly in a sign of acceptance. After agreeing the details with Viktor and giving him my contact information at the hotel, I bid him a cordial farewell, promising him a little game of chess later. Once again I thank him for the gesture and ask forgiveness for my absence, and so I decide to go on my way. Without direction or company, I stroll through the streets of Moscow, enjoying the view. Next thing I know, I'm stuck in a clothing store, observing the new Russian trends. The fur coats leap into view, bringing out the most consumerist desire in me. Unfortunately, it takes over my body and overcomes my will, making my wallet cry a little today. And, emboldened in this sense of self-care, I decide to treat myself to a tasty, but resoundingly expensive meal. Frankly, I deserve it after all the stress I've been going through. 

After a few more hours of being entertained with myself in the streets filled with new people, new smells and new colors, I decide to return to the hotel. It is already late and I arranged a meeting early in the morning with a local journalist for an exclusive interview. I hope it will be indeed exclusive, because lately, the questions have always revolved around the same thing.  _ How have you been feeling as a world champion? How did you defeat Borgov? This is unprecedented for a woman, how do you feel? _ Boring, boring, boring. Ask me about other things, make me feel valued as a woman, as a player. Don't indirectly and bitterly accuse me of pulling the rug from under the feet of a man. They always do this to us women but it is never questioned. In all areas anyway. So why do they ask me this, if I am just one in the middle of so much misogyny? My victories are sincere, they should not be questioned and debated. I am not an academic topic. I am a woman, a champion. I am a survivor of substance abuse, and I demand respect. I will make them feel sorry for trying to wrap my name in controversy and contempt.

Finally being alone in my room, my feet ache from the heels, god forbid I wear them again, I come across a note on my desk. The maid must have left it here while she was cleaning up my mess this afternoon, while I was out and about. I open it carefully, as if it were a rare crystal, and soon learn the reason for such a telegram. 

_ Miss Harmon, _

_ I congratulate you in advance on your success. It has been amazing to see you everywhere, making a fuss. You surely do leave quite the impression around here. My daughters are your fans. I hereby extend an invitation to you. Come and play a friendly game of chess at my place tomorrow at 7 pm. Have dinner with us too. It would be an honor. _

_ Regards,  _

_ Jackob Vassiliev _


	3. Chapter 3

That note left me surprised, hesitant even. This guy's name made me a little apprehensive because I had heard about him in passing conversations in the middle of my chess games at the park. Nita, I think, had told me about him. He was one of the most influential guys in the Russian chess world. Nothing to compare to Borgov, but that old carcass has a reputation, not everyone would have the luxury of being able to share a moment with him. Word on the street is that he is an old man of the castle, with a narrow face and hindsight ideas. 

If a man like that was really kind enough to invite me, I should take this opportunity. Perhaps the feminist ramblings I had today had caused the universe to put the game in my favor. This will be my chance to make the final move and checkmate the press that so far treats me like a fortnight's news. But dears, fear not, Beth Harmon is here to stay. I quickly write a thank you note back, assuring him that I will be there and that I am very grateful for his invitation, making a point to flatter the old man as much as possible with few words. Courtesy has never been my strong suit, but I must keep myself a good actress to fall for the good manners of these people. Securing my place here will be somewhat arduous and a slow process, but it will have to do the trick. The queen's gambit also begins with two pawns, one of the pieces regarded as the weakest in the game by mere observers who understand nothing of chess at all. However, if everything gets on track, if the pawn is not risky, it slowly moves over the board, as if dancing a beautiful waltz, and in the end can become a rook, a knight, even a lost queen. All in due time. I will reign.

I search my room looking for my pack of cigarettes, but the task becomes relatively easy since it has been put away beforehand. As usual, it is on the nightstand, next to my book. I put it down days ago and there is no way to get back to reading. I swear I tried but detective novels are a real drag. Maybe I'm too strategic but I don't need half the book to find out who the murderer, the thief, whoever the bad guy is, while the stupid detective spends the whole book searching for unfounded evidence and making metaphors and connections in search of a wrong culprit. I'll still think about whether to throw it away, whether to offer it to someone who has more patience for it than I do. Maybe Jolene wants it. No, possibly not. She would throw it at me and then sit with me on the bed and read the plot in a comedic voice that would make us laugh like fools. 

I wonder if she has received my letter yet and if she has read it. Knowing her like I do, she will take revenge in my absence and only write to me in 20 years time. But deep down, I know that she loves me and cares for me. She is my only true friend whom I trust my life with. In that line of reasoning, I also wonder how Benny might have reacted to my letter. Is he so hurt by me and my confused heart that he doesn't want to contact me anymore? I want to know if he is okay, I want him to be safe. I have not been able to give him love in these months, but I hope that my sincerity will make up for it. Holy fuck, I really do need a cigarette now.

(...)

The sun transcends the curtains and wakes me up warmly, putting me in a reasonable good mood. I stretch and try to face the little bit of sleep that still overflows in my eyes. So I jump out of bed and quickly go about my routine, and when a few minutes pass I am in the lobby of my hotel, waiting for my interviewer. 

Almost an hour goes by and no sign of him. This is very unprofessional, I would even say disrespectful. I got up so early, willingly made myself available for an interview, and he even seemed nice when he called the hotel and politely asked to speak with me. But now, it all seems like a bad prank made by a seven-year-old. Could something have happened though? Maybe, just maybe, I am overreacting. I guess to some extent my diva-consciousness is being born now? Wouldn't that be funny? I look around one more time just to make sure that he is not already here waiting for me and I am the fool in the middle of this whole story, but nothing. He was very clear on the phone, he said he was tall, black hair, a bony face, and wore a thin beard on his chin. He said he would come with a camera too so we could take some pictures, so it would be easy to recognize him. There was no mistaking it, I would spot him soon enough.

I snort in frustration and look at my wristwatch. About to get up in a rage, I see a young man running haphazardly through the lobby, getting the attention of everyone else who was chatting in a dull, routine manner. Despite his tired and clumsy look, he seems very handsome. I get confirmation when he comes close to me, beads of sweat trickling down his forehead. His eyes look into mine and I, for a moment, feel a little helpless as well. 

"Elizabeth Harmon? My heavens, I'm sorry for the horrendous delay! I understand that you may want to leave this interview behind, I'll understand perfectly. I had an unpostponable urgency in the newsroom and it took me longer than I expected." - he says, panting.

I try to console him as much as I can, after all, he came still and from his speech, you can tell he is really weary and desperate.- “No, no, no problem, I honestly just got here a short time ago too. Just be brief and everything will be fine.” - I lie with all of my teeth.

"Sure, no further ado"-he takes off his brown jacket, leaving it hanging over the back of the chair in front of mine, and sits down in a not at all delicate manner. - "Let's do it! Question number one ..."

(...)

The interview proceeds smoothly, with no further problems. However, the photos become a little uncomfortable with his clumsy attempts to set up the material and people all looking at me in a curious but judgmental way. A little too much show off for a hotel like this, it's true. I just get into trouble anyway. I do my best and in less than an hour everything is ready. We say our goodbyes in a casual way, and yet I have to reassure him again that there was no problem, even though inside I'm annoyed by the whole affair.

The day passes quickly and I, always tucked away in my room, contemplate everything that might happen tonight. I prepare movements, ponder moves, and do everything to not make a fool of myself tonight. After all, I am a champion, I will not let this title fall into the mud.

A taxi accompanies me on my short trip to the apartment on the street left at the bottom of the telegram. The trip is surprisingly short, but pleasant. The taxi driver is quite helpful and this gives me a sense of comfort. Once there, my heart beats incessantly inside my chest as I knock on the door. The door frame is elegant. It can't be compared to anything I've seen around here before. The well-crafted details jump out at anybody's vision and even to me, it left me slack-jawed.

As soon as the door is opened, a beautiful girl smiles and waves frantically to welcome me. I assume she is one of Vassiliev's daughters that he mentioned in his note. Her eyes look sweet and sincere, less bad. She lets me in and asks me for my coat and bag, placing them on the hanger in the entryway, guiding me into a well-decorated living room but with very old furniture that looks like it was taken from a mansion of the previous century.

"Welcome! Welcome! Make yourself at home lady Harmon." - the old man's deep voice sounds through the room. The fireplace crackles and a cozy warmth makes my face blush and my body jump in delight. The night is about to begin. The chessboard is set up in the corner, near the window. The white curtains add to the pallor of the room and sickens me, numbs me. I try to put myself at ease by sitting down next to the girl who opened the door for me minutes ago. She gives me an encouraging smile and puts her hand on mine for support. She is simply gorgeous, her skin and delicate features make her look like a doll. 

Another girl walks happily into the room, humming out of tune until Mr. Jackob looks at her in a disciplined way and, realizing my presence in the room, she shuts up and blushes profusely. She walks over to the end of the couch where I'm sitting and looks at me curiously. I smile at her and stroke her cheek, assuring her that everything is fine. Adults are boring.

"Excuse my daughter's manners, ma'am, but she's young and kids these days can't seem to be tamed in any way”- he explains half joking, half serious. I can't read this man and the atmosphere is tense. When do we really get to play? I don't have the time for family business I never wanted to be involved with in the first place. 

"Excuse me Mr. Vassilev, when do we start our game?"- I ask impatiently. I hope my manner was not rude but this waiting is killing me. This is going to be a long night for sure. 

" We are in a rush I am seeing" - he chuckles - "But we will play tonight, I am eager for it. We are just waiting for my only son. I demanded him to be here so perhaps I can inspire him to abandon his idiotic career that gives me headaches all the time. Well, in any case, talk for another day. Let's wait a little longer, if it's not too much trouble? I know you're naturally a busy lady, but then again, where would you go at a time like this without a husband, right? You don't want to be the talk of the town, that's for sure, it wouldn't be pleasant in your position.” 

This conversation sends shivers down my spine, makes my hair stand on end, and I control myself not to put the damn clean white curtains on the fireplace and set this entire palace on fire. Insolent, how dare you? A husband? Are you kidding me? The urge to defeat him and make him swallow all these words grows stronger and stronger. Presumptuous jerk. I'll show him who's in charge. But before that, his damn son must arrive. Where is that bastard? Rage builds up and patience begins to run out, I just want it to be over. The appetite for dinner has disappeared since I walked in here and the will doesn't seem to be returning any minute.

Heavy footsteps sound across the carpeted floor and a presence makes itself felt in the archway of the entrance. I turn quickly in search of the owner of such figures. It's him at last. As soon as I lay my eyes on him, the ground almost slides out from under my feet. It's that interviewer from this morning. The world is a pea. Now I know why Vassilev complained about his son, he is late for everything, not only to work. He recognizes me and smiles as if he already knew I was here and just left us planted waiting to make suspense like a bride on her wedding day. This evening has become interesting all of a sudden.


	4. Chapter 4

I can't mask the surprise on my face as he gallantly approaches me like a celebrity. He was still wearing the same clothes as this morning, except that his shirt was a little wrinkled. This gave him a charm even. With heavy steps he approaches me and kisses my hand seductively, not even looking like the same man who had fumbled this morning and was shaking like a leaf while setting up a camera in the hotel lobby. I guess it's what they say, the environment changes a person.

"Elizabeth. I can call you that right? After all, we have crossed paths more than once now and you are sitting on the couch in my cozy living room. I would like to see you more often." - he says, seeming to want to impress me with his courtly skills. He is exactly as insolent as his father, cheeky and with few manners. The whole morning was a mere farce to glue me to the chair and make me stay given all the trouble he caused, and I fell for his chanting like a fool. However, I cannot deny that he is breathtaking, makes me feel nervous and restless. I don't know if this is good or not.

I just nod my head as a sign of approval and proceed to look at his father who is watching us smiling. Whatever your idea is, I hope you will quickly forget it. He sits in the armchair next to his father, exchanging quick glances with him. I am growing more and more impatient, swinging my leg like crazy. I peel the skins from my fingernails and have to control myself not to bite them in public. Mr. Vassilev slowly stands up, letting out an old-age grunt from his mouth adorned by his curly mustache. His height is staggeringly scary, now I know who his son takes after. But something puzzles me: how come I never suspected that he was Jackob's son? The truth is, he said he was called Vladimir with no last name when when we spoke, I never had the opportunity to ask him either. Given the rush and the whole annoying incident I ended up forgetting and letting it go. I feel really stupid at this moment, I got myself into a really embarrassing situation. But that's irrelevant now, let's play. I will show this man and everyone here what I am capable of.

The chessboard is assembled and ready for use. Vassilev's children gather around us, standing to watch the game. The little girl almost lays her face down on the table watching everything mere millimeters from her eyes and I find this adorable. I hope she gains a love for chess since her brother rejects it. I hope she flies high. The game starts in no time and as much as it pains me to admit, it is not easy at all. Vassilev is thorough in his moves, thoughtful and calculating. Every move has been planned in advance, I can tell. He doesn't show an ounce of nervousness and that makes me a little intimidated, but not enough to let me down. The eldest daughter, this one, seems mesmerized by me. This old man really didn't lie when he said she was a fan of mine. From the conversation we exchanged while waiting impatiently for her brother to arrive, I learned that she is a singer in musical theater and that her name is Faina. She seems to shine in the local theater, but one day she hopes to make it to the national stage. Another angel that I hope will make her dreams come true.

Play after play, about twenty-three moves to be precise, a draw is declared. Jackob Vassilev is a worthy opponent. I am dizzy with this game, he is really good. He praises me in a few words and promises to invite me soon to a new game. This time he would be sure to win and kick my ass. His son, however, spent the entire game idly and pretending to be analyzing every move, I think we all noticed his lack of interest here. I think he looked more at me than at the game board.

Without further ado, we proceed to the dining room and the dinner is served exquisitely by Faina, who alone and hurriedly does everything to impress me. She is very cute and attentive, I wish I could talk to her more. Maybe before I leave tonight, I should invite her over for tea. The table is incredibly decorated with exquisite cutlery and dishes and for a moment I wonder if all the fuss is because of me. Surely such an exquisite family wouldn't eat off ordinary plates. I'm just feeling like Louis XIV when I'm really just an ordinary person.

The food is delicious, it makes me drool. If Faina is the one who made this treat of the gods, then I must build this woman an altar right now. My attention wanders to the various hosts scattered around the table. Vassilev, father and head of the family at the head of the table, showing respect and order. Then Vladimir next to me and the two girls timidly eating in front of us. Dinner goes on in silence and when I least expect it, we have already finished dessert, a fruit cake sprinkled with sugar that I have never tasted before.

We rose from the table slowly, as if any sudden movement would ruin the serene atmosphere worthy of a romance between court figures. And as we head out for the living room again, Vassilev's firstborn holds my arm and signals me to go to the hallway of the house, hinting that he wanted to talk to me alone. I follow him suspiciously without knowing exactly what he wants from me, but I assume he has a good explanation to give me about this whole evening. I saw how many times he watched me during dinner. And how do I know this? Because I couldn't look away from him either, I was intrigued and trying to make scenarios in my head about what kind of man he really was. The hallway is dark, dimly lit with wall chandeliers. Now I’m sure that this house is from the last century. The wallpaper looks a bit musty, nothing compared to the living room or the kitchen. So yes, it is confirmed: this family lives off appearances because only the spaces for social interaction are well presented while the rest looks like something taken out of a horror movie.

"I understand that you are apprehensive Beth, I realize that it has been a confusing night for you. But let me explain everything to you" - he says, seeing the hesitation in my eyes upon the flickering light of the wall.- "Give me five minutes to explain everything, I promise you won't regret it. I have only the best intentions towards you”. - I don't say a word, waiting for him to continue. I hope he has a good explanation for all this. He knew about me, didn't he? Apparently he planned to meet again without my knowing. This tastes like a trap. I demand an explanation as to why he used his family and his father's influence to lure me to come here. The question here is how dare he do such a thing without even having seen me before. Would he be a fan like his sisters? It 's an hypothesis.

"Before you think I'm a crazy obsessed fan, don't think that way. I mean, I am a fan of yours of course, look at the way you play, it's impressive. And without any doubt, you’re one of most beautiful women I ever came across with" - he stutters a bit. The fumble seems to only exist when he is alone with me, how interesting. It's actually funny. However, I’m flattered. - "Ever since I heard that you would be staying here in Russia, I wanted to set up an interview with you, but the important newspapers always seemed to be one step ahead. My father, as you probably know, is a great chess expert and a born disapprover of my status as a half-assed journalist. So once I got an interview with you it was as if I had won the lottery. As soon as he found out, he gave me a half-smile, and that to me was like the world shining bright. He had the idea to invite you, but I decided not to reveal my origins for fear that you would reject talking to me. You understand, don't you?” 

That kind of makes sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't care about any of this, this family drama doesn't interest me at all. He answered everything except what I most wanted to know, his real name. He seems to read my thoughts and quickly answers me. 

"And yes, my name is not Vladimir as I told you on the phone. My real name is Luka, as in light. Because I am the firstborn, the light of the family.” - He laughs embarrassed. - “As you can imagine, if I had told you my full and real name this morning, you, intelligent as you are, would have added up the dots and found out the truth before you came and I couldn’t ruin my father’s mood. I'm sorry for the confusion.” 

“If you were really a fan of mine you would know that I don't care about that” - I vent, frustrated. All of this trouble for something so meaningless. 

"Please let me make it up to you. Such a lovely lady like you doesn’t deserve to be upset, much less for a little white lie." - he winks one eye at me. This man really has a strange humor. But as I have been observing throughout that day, his aura is incomparable. I am tempted, I won't lie. He has been seducing me the whole night and I’m not doing anything to stop him, this feels like a good and a bad idea at the same time. It’s like I can’t resist the forbidden fruit as much as this fruit is starting to look a bit rotten. Luka approaches slowly and seductively, leaving me breathless. Now I am sure that he is going to kiss me and although I find it rushed, I don't deny that I want that too. A little adventure never hurt anyone and I’m feeling needy. The dimly lit environment and all of Luka's charm, despite his head made of wind, leave me stunned. And so, when his nose brushes mine and he finally kisses me, I don't reject it, losing myself in his warmth as if his family were not gathered in the next room. His kiss is rough but firm. His thin beard scratches my face, making me feel somehow uncomfortable, but I don't let go. His lips taste of wine and contain tiny fragments of sugar from the sprinkled fruit cake we had eaten a few minutes ago. 

None of this compares to Benny's softly-tendered kisses. With love. The image of Benny comes into my head and I startle, dropping Luka abruptly. So, before I can say anything to apologize for my attitude, I’m walking towards the living room, leaving a confused and awestruck man in the hallway behind me. I give the Vassilevs a quick, flimsy excuse and rush out of their house, putting on my coat already on the sidewalk. I decide to rush to the hotel, not having the patience to wait for another taxi, fearing that Luka will ask me for some justification for leaving him stranded. Almost tripping over myself in my haste, I arrive at the hotel in less than twenty minutes, ready to crawl into bed and try to pretend that nothing happened. I feel disgusting for kissing another man thinking about Benny, I feel weak and cheap. It seemed right at the time, but I was too caught up in the atmosphere to think of anything else. 

I go up to my room, desperately searching for the key in my purse. I drop the key and groan in frustration. I can’t find the hole to put the keys in, everything is going downhill. And just when I think my night can't get any worse, when I open the door I find Benny waiting for me, sitting in my armchair with a black queen twirling in his hand.


	5. Chapter 5

My jaw drops. I didn't expect him here at all, and certainly not tonight. When I still run away from one problem, I get into another right after. Not that Benny is a problem, I like having him around. And now that I still have the taste of another man's lips in my mouth, I don't want to face Benny. I feel like a real piece of trash. I feel as if I have betrayed him, even though we are not together. His look doesn't seem angry or frustrated, he just seems to miss me? I am sure that when he read my letter he would come to me, but I never thought he would come to me in this way. I don't want to talk about us now, I feel like crying. God, I just wanted to throw myself on the bed and sink into salty tears for being the dumbest person that ever existed on the face of the earth. His calming presence should do me good, but I am ashamed to look at him now. Whatever he came here to do, it won't end well. I can never disguise it with Benny, he knows me too well.

"B-Benny?" - my throat tightens even more. I am so nervous about him possibly finding out I kissed Luka when I just ditched him a couple of days ago through a letter. It's not that I am afraid of his judgment, because I know he is not that kind of guy, I am mostly scared of seeing the disappointment in his eyes, the face of someone who just got heartbroken. It would be too much for me to handle. I just want to dig a hole and jump onto it right now.

"Himself in the flesh." - he smiles at me teasingly. Please let this be a vivid dream, God must be laughing at my expense at this moment. - "You don't seem very happy to see me, is there something wrong?" - he approaches. Please step back, I don't know if that's a good idea.

I don't know how to react. My brain is racing, my heart I can hardly even feel it inside my chest anymore and a huge guilt burns inside me. My primal instinct would be to jump on Benny and tell him that I missed him, take his hands and ask him what he is doing here and even if I can't do it romantically, I would ask him to go out with me and explore the Moscow nights. Instead, I am standing here in my bedroom doorway trying to formulate something to talk about. But Benny rushes over and takes my cold but sweaty hand and guides me to the edge of the bed and sits down with me.

"I know my visit is unexpected and maybe you were in the process of moving on. From the look on your face I can see that my visit is untimely." - he says softly. Benny, why do you have to be so sincere all the time? - "But Beth" - he continues - "I couldn't go long without seeing you, not after I got that letter." - he pulls a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket and I recognize it immediately.

"Benny please I ..." - I try to say, but he silences me with his hand and continues.

"I came here because I couldn't sit still. After reading your words I immediately realized what was going on here. The truth is that I didn't look for you for quite some time, maybe I hinted that I didn't want you anymore. But after your victory with Borgov you seemed so happy to stay here that I didn't want to be a pebble in your shoe and moved away for a while. And with my withdrawal, I ended up extinguishing the flickering flame that was between us. I apologize Beth, all I wanted the least was this estrangement. Not even as friends. I really like you and losing you, letting you slip through my fingers, has been hard for me. The next thing I knew, I was catching a plane here and desperately looking for your hotel so we could work things out. And before you kill me, I admit that I told the receptionist that I was your fiancé so she would let me in. - he sort of laughs -"So Beth let me fix all this. Let's make it right please, I miss you."

I swallow dryly. Benny you've got to be kidding me. How could I possibly respond to this guy right now? My lips quiver and tears stream down my troubled face. I feel so bad. Even after everything I've told him, he still blames himself, comes after me and tries to solve our problems. And I come from another man's house, I kissed another man. Well, technically he kissed me first, but I didn't pull away or stop him. I am the worst person who has ever existed on the face of the earth. 

"What's going on? What's wrong with you? Beth, are you okay? Tell me why you're crying, we can fix this. You're making me worried, tell me please, I don't like to see you crying.” - he wipes my cheek. I have to tell him and get it over with. I'm worrying him with my second thoughts; he's not to blame for anything; he's after someone dirty like me. I have to end this before it snowballs and crushes Benny's feelings even more.

Between sobs and blurred vision, I turn away from Benny and tell him. I tell him everything and with each word, I shiver like jelly, my hands turn purple with cold and I think that at any moment I might die of anguish. - “Benny, I don't deserve you. Not at all. Please, you can't be here, you can't come here and say these things to me. Let alone blame yourself. You are such a good man, no one deserves you really. You should leave now, it's the best for both of us. Because I have done something irreparable and you will never want to look at me again.”

“There is nothing in this world that makes me want to be away from you.” - He is making things so difficult now. I can't stand the pain that is forming in my chest. I need to drop the bomb now, it's inevitable. He deserves to know the truth, before he deludes himself further with the situation. I confess that I am frightened of Benny's reaction, my greatest fear is to break his heart, to shake his world. I know that he came here with only good intentions and I will just leave him devastated. I didn't want it to be this way, but I owe it to him. He has to hear it from me before someone tells him. And even though I'm not with him, I feel that I still owe him. No matter how many turns our lives take, I will always need him around and I don't want to lose even his friendship by an omission.

"I kissed another man. Today. Tonight. I kissed another guy”. His gaze quickly turns from concern to sadness. I just want to end this painful moment. Benny, I'm sorry I said it like that, but I couldn't allow you to continue to deceive yourself for me. 

He looks me in the eye, analyzing my face. The face of someone who doesn't deserve him. I feel like a criminal, really. But then he does what I least expect. Instead of getting up and running away from me, he comes closer to me and embraces me, letting me cry in his arms. I inhale his leather jacket and the same perfume is still there. The tenderness of his gestures is still here and I am a loser wetting his shirt as if I needed consolation instead of him.

"Benny what are you doing? This isn't right." - I say against his chest. What is going on here I don't know, but I missed his embrace, even under these terrible circumstances.

"Don't think about it now. You're not well. Please let's rest now, you're upset, I'm sad, and I don't want to say unpleasant things to you. We'll talk tomorrow. Now let me stay here pretending that time doesn't move forward." - He lets go of me and signals me to lie next to him on the bed. And so, dressed, uncovered and broken inside we fall asleep trying to pretend that the hands of the clock can solve our problems during the night. Tomorrow when we wake up, I will feel like Cinderella after the twelve bells of midnight and this will all end in sour goodbyes.


	6. Chapter 6

Benny's familiar warmth and comfort enfolds me on this cold morning and even though I am uncovered and dressed in yesterday's clothes, it feels like I have traveled back in time and am back in America with him. I inhale his t-shirt again and control myself not to scrape my face into his belly to prove that he is really here. As disconsolate as we both are, I want to enjoy this moment as much as I can before the carriage turns into a pumpkin. Being close to Benny, sleeping next to him again made me feel more secure. I hardly slept a wink all night thinking about what he might say to me this morning. The chance of being without him is on the table and I would rather have a hurricane pass over me than this unhappy fate befall me. But I can't go on playing the doll and pretend that I haven't caused any trouble. I can't just ignore what I told him in the letter, I can't ignore that he feels guilty, I can't even ignore the kiss that Luka and I exchanged and that now Benny knows about. 

I get up slowly, taking his arm off my shoulder and laying it gently on one of the pillows. Poor guy, he looks finished. His body must be cold and numb, all my fault. I take a blanket from the end of the bed and gently cover him up. But on the bed, falling awkwardly from his coat pocket is my letter. I remove it gently, without making a sound so as not to wake Benny, and quickly lock myself in the bathroom. I sit on the toilet and unfold it, reading each character that has caused the boy with the broken heart to now be lying on my blankets.

_ My dear Benny Watts, _

_ It's been a while since we've spoken. Maybe because of the circumstances, maybe because of a busy schedule. I apologize for making you wait so long for news from me. Around here, everything is the same, nothing that you don't already know about. But the kilometers that separate us have made me see some facts. As much as I love or loved (you), I no longer know the right verb tense for this letter, we have to be apart from each other. These times alone made me realize that I can't make you my puppet and that you should move on with your life. There are plenty of people in the world who will probably make you much happier than me. So, I ask you to listen to me and go after someone who values you properly. I would like to remain your friend, though. Because I'm not able at the moment to keep such a commitment, since my schedule takes up most of my life. I can't ask you to change your entire life for me and wait for me all the time because I won’t call every night. I won’t be here all the time and I most certainly won’t be back anytime soon. And because I value you as a person and have an unimaginable amount of respect towards you, I have decided to write and tell you this way. I'm sorry if something sounded impersonal or out of tone, but I'm doing my best. If I had contacted you on the telephone, you probably wouldn't have let me finish. Please forgive me for all of this, and I hope to see you again and hug you soon, as good friends would do. _

_ Yours truly, _

_ Beth Harmon  _

I let out a heavy sigh and put the piece of paper against my chest. I don't know what will happen next but I wanted that bit all to myself so I could calm down before the storm passes over me. I stand up from the toilet, and I notice one strap of my dress is falling out and I fix it next to the mirror and look at my reflection. Anyone looking at me will think I'm hungover, but really I'm just desolate. My eyes are red, my mouth is dry, and my cheeks are swollen. My hair looks like it was attacked by a flock of pigeons in the street, I'm really in a sorry state. I wash my face with the cold tap water and soon feel awake. The cold sensation against my skin wakes me up precisely and makes me more alert. I comb my hair and soon I look like a new person. _ I need to change clothes _ , I think. I keep staring at myself in the mirror until soft beats awaken me from my narcissistic moment.

"Beth? Are you there? Please open the door, I urgently need to use the bathroom. And you know, we also need to talk. Please it's important" - Benny's half distressed voice makes me laugh and ponder not to answer and ignore his desperate wish just to play with his face as if we were inconsequential teenagers.

"One second please"-I rush to the door, hiding the letter in my bra. I open the door and Benny looks at me with a sleepy, puffy face and his hair completely spiked. I laugh at his figure and he, realizing the reason for the joke, pokes my forehead with his fingers throwing me a contemptuous look that soon turns into a mischievous grin. While Benny is getting ready in the shower and tending to his needs I decide to wait for him on the edge of the bed. My sock-covered feet dangle and rub against the carpet, bored. I will change clothes later after a long, hot bath. I feel really dirty and almost as if I will be run over by a truck. A few minutes later, I would say about 20, he comes out of the bathroom looking different, not even looking like he just woke up. If this man wanted to, he could easily be a movie star.

He throws back his hair, looking even more sensual, and sits down next to me. I can hear his heart beating from here, I hope he can hear mine too, it's racing, very fast. We both look at each other, not knowing where to start and trying to urge the other to speak first, because there is a lot to say and little way to express it all in one conversation. Until Benny breaks the ice and tells me, gloomily.

"Beth, about the kiss...please let's not talk about it anymore. Let's leave it buried. In fact I don't even know why I am sad about it, you and I were distant. It's jealousy yes, I won't deny it, but you are an adult, so am I, we know what we do with our lives. You have always been independent and I respect that, but you can't just shake me out of your life as if I were a dishcloth dripping with dirty water. I have feelings, I think I deserved something from you that wasn't so cold and impersonal. That's why I came here, for you to look me in the eye and tell me that you don't want me anymore. If you say so I'll walk out that door and when my heart is healed, I'll find you again in the hope that we can still be fast chess buddies. I promise."

I play with my fingers, listening attentively. I really don't know what to say. I want to ask Benny to stay, but at the same time I don't want to. I'm selfish enough to want him around now that I've seen him again. Everything I said in the letter was heartfelt, but I fully understand his side. I am the worst person to be around and, if I were in his place, I wouldn't even dare to come here and ask for clarification, cowering and not seeking the truth about a love relationship and feelings. I don't want to hear bitter things coming out of the mouth of someone I still hope to love and Benny really was a brave man in the middle of this story.

"I know you asked me not to talk about the kiss and not that I really owe you any justification, I kissed this man on impulse and because of everything that was involving me last night. I don't like him, not by a long shot. It was just to let you know." 

"Okay, but I don't want to talk about it, that's not going to solve things now is it Beth? Tell me, do you agree that the flame has gone out? Tell me if that was the case or if you simply realized that you no longer want my company, I don't want to keep running after something that doesn't make sense to you, even if it hurts me. I can't be a drag on your agenda that has no room for me.

My heart aches. I want to scream at the top of my lungs that he got it all wrong, that I wrote that because I didn't want to keep him locked into a long-distance relationship. I didn't want to be the obstacle in his agenda. 

"Benny, it's not exactly about that. I really feel that the distance brought me mixed feelings about you and I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to cut the cord, to let us both breathe a little. It was not fair to either of us, don't you agree?" - I let out an exhausted sigh. Where did my lack of breath come from, was I holding it in fear?

He looks at me and nods his head in agreement. He understands me. - "Beth answer me just one thing and I won't bore you anymore" - he asks me, this time taking my hands and looking me in the eyes with such intensity that I think the world could collapse around us now and I would still be looking at him, unblinking.

"Tell me..."-I speak in fear.

"Inside your heart is there still a remnant of love for me? Do you still think I am important in your life? So important that you remember me when you hear a song or smell a certain aroma? Do I occupy your mind even?" - he asks exasperatedly. My God, that's not one thing, those are many questions that make my heart throb. He is asking me if I love him still, is that really what I heard?

Without hesitation I nod yes. I can’t deny it, I would be lying. Of course I still think of him when I touch the chess pieces, when I listen to our favorite songs, when I’m walking home and a gentleman passes by me and I smell the manly cologne. I remember him when I see couples holding hands on the streets, secretly envying them and wishing that was me in a way. And then, he gives me a half smile and kisses my left hand. A shiver goes down my spine with the sensation of his lips on my skin. He gets up and takes his coat from the edge of the bed, heading for the door. I give him a confused look and he soon understands my alarmed and awestruck reaction and just says to me: 

"Beth Harmon, don’t go anywhere in the future, I'm still going to win you back."


	7. Chapter 7

_ "Beth Harmon, don’t go anywhere in the future, I'm still going to win you back."  _ His voice echoes in my head, making me dizzy. He said exactly that, did he? I don't have the structures to face this right now, nor do I know how to feel about it. All this, because, in truth, I don't know what I want. I should have stopped it while I could. Benny is like a sweet temptation but at the same time I shouldn't do such a thing to him, it's wrong. But what if Benny is right and it was only the distance that made us put out the flame? If I never try, I'll never know, will I? This has given me a headache, so I decide to go into the bathroom again and turn on the tap of the bathtub. As I watch in slow motion, the water fills the tub with hot water. I really need a moment alone.

The hot water and floral soap against my skin work miracles, and the next thing I know, my fingers are wrinkled. Still, I lean my head against the edge of the tub and look up at the white ceiling with a little mold from the moisture forming in the left corner. My brain is still going a thousand thoughts an hour, yet I feel much calmer and ready to face the day. I take a deep breath and rub my temples, ready to step out of the bath, and when I effectively step out of it, I cover myself with my robe, leaving my bare skin free beneath it.

I decide to get dressed and go out for some fresh air. Without having breakfast at the hotel, I wonder if I shouldn't spend a few bucks at a nearby cafe. When I finally arrive at the main access door to the outside, I meet Viktor who is standing there with a good-natured smile on his face. His attire is not out of the ordinary, always with his little dark green hat, plaid shirt and fluffy coat. He really looks like a grandfather, even though he has no children or grandchildren. He greets me warmly, making my day twenty times better. 

"Miss Harmon, good morning! I see you've bundled up conveniently today, I waited to see the day when you would dress appropriately for the times here" - he chuckles genuinely, letting out a cough afterwards. "I was just about to come in and look for you...It's just that I have some great news to tell you. About my niece, do you remember her?"

"Sure, sure! How could I not? In the beautiful way you spoke about her." Viktor seems like such a good person, he deserves everything good.

"Good"- he continues, excited. "I visited her as soon as I left you and she immediately agreed to your coming. She was happy to share the house not only because it would ease her poor parents' wallet, but also because having a young woman with her could be good in her adjustment. She said she could move in at any time. Even if she's not home, make yourself at home." - He hands me a silver key in my hand. The cold key against my hand had the real taste of beginning. With it, I could close a page and open a new chapter of my life. It was official I would be here for a while, I would finally meet someone who made me feel at ease, a new friend, I was excited. 

"Thank you very very very very much Vitkor. I don't even know how to thank you for all this" - I say cordially. Words couldn't even do justice to what I was feeling. A breath of fresh air for sure.

"Viktor please let me make it up to you! Have you had breakfast? Please keep me company, it would be my pleasure." - I invite him. It is the least I could do for a man as kind and generous as Viktor. I feel as if I am indebted to him in some way.

Viktor takes off his hat, in a sign of courtesy, bowing to me minimally. He looks at me tenderly and accepts my offer, following me down the sidewalk as far as I wanted to go. We strode slowly down the road, enjoying each other's company. For a little while I felt super light and truly smiling. As we walked, we made fun of each other, as if we were indeed friends. We talked about chess, as could not be otherwise. Viktor enthusiastically asked me for tips and tricks to improve his strategy and I laughed at his failed attempts to discover mine. There is nothing foolish about him. After a few passes along the edge of the street, we smell freshly baked hot bread and our noses are drawn to the pastry shop a couple of buildings beyond us. We walk at a leisurely pace until we realize that it was not only us who were enchanted by the morning smell of bread rolls. A considerable line covered the door, leaving us behind hungry and with a sad face. Viktor looks at me in understanding for us to leave, but I don't move. I will eat here and wait as long as it takes, I need to taste the wonders on the other side of the door.

Viktor, realizing my gesture, accompanies me. His age seems no impediment to standing and he does so. I realize my lack of politeness by not considering this fact due to my whim but I am too embarrassed to speak. The wait is long, silent, and stupidly uncomfortable because the subject is dead there. Long painful minutes go by and we don't seem to move. Until a familiar voice catches my eye and gently pulls at my coat sleeve with its tiny hands. 

"Bethie!" - the little girl tells me, smiling, missing one of her teeth. It is none other than Anna, Luka's younger sister. He finds himself posted next to her, one hand in his pocket, casual and smiling at me in a nonchalant way. His hair is a bit disheveled, just as if he had just woken up and put on some clothes to please his sister. This thought made Beth's heart warm. Maybe he wasn't just a flirtatious actor, maybe he was even a good catch. And maybe that's why Beth had let herself go so easily the night before. The encounter was very awkward, but Luka saw perfectly well that this was not the right moment and preferred not to comment on it, and I thanked him. Maybe I should talk to him later? That would be good, I guess.

Anna, fortunately for me and my sanity, soon struck up a conversation with me. She told me about the dresses her sister had made for her the other day, telling me the details, and about the time Faina almost had a nervous breakdown trying to thread a baby pink thread on the fine needle to sew a button on the collar. Anna's laughter made my stomach jump with contentment, she is such a sweet child. The line got better and better sporadically, bringing me closer to the yummy smell I had so longed to taste.

Finally seated at the table, the four of us, not at all what had been planned, got to enjoy the warm bread with melted butter. The crusty bread tasted like a supper of the gods, at ease I ate about three. I thought Viktor would be upset with our sudden guests, but he just nodded, making no freight about it. He soon engaged in a conversation with Luka which left me relieved of his company for a solid few minutes.

Luka made sure to pay the bill, to which I rolled my eyes deeply. Showing off Daddy's money at this time in the morning? Who would have thought it. We left the café, Viktor gave me a casual handshake, the same to Luka, saying goodbye, claiming he had some errands to run. Clearly, he must have felt he was in over his head. He bowed to Anna and she laughed and bowed back, as if in a fantasy world. My god, I wanted to bite her cheeks.

"Then I guess I should go too." - I say to Luka. The urge to speak has completely gone away. After all, what am I going to tell him? Hi sorry I ran away yesterday, I saw my ex boyfriend's face and felt like a piece of dung? Oh and by chance he was waiting for me yesterday. Sounds pretty ridiculous. 

"Wait."-he grabs my wrist. "I feel like I should tell you something about yesterday. Maybe it wasn't very polite of me to kiss you like that"-he says laughing. Young man, where's the fun in that?-"I just acted on impulse. Let me make it up to you”. - he seems to think for a few seconds. The mood gets a little awkward again, especially with Anna staring at us. - "Oh yes, let me take you to dinner again, just the two of us, let me show you that I can do everything right and that I'm not some foolish man. Beth I don't want you to get the wrong impression from me."

The expectant looks and both brothers make me apprehensive, uncomfortable. Just as I am about to say no because I remember that I am trying again with Benny, Luka takes my hand and looks at me with gallant eyes. I stand awkwardly.

"Please accept! I would do anything!". His gaze penetrates mine and I can't help but accept. It feels like hypnotism. He gives me a victorious smile, taking Anna by the hand and walking down the street after saying goodbye with a kiss on my pale hand. 

This is becoming a snowball and I'm just waiting for her to jolt me. Well, a dinner won't hurt either, will it?


End file.
